How would The Simpsons Vote?
So, late at night, a few nights ago, I was wondering how the bellwether town of Springfield (the #Simpsons Springfield) would vote in the upcoming Presidential election. Political junkie that I am, I had to get up from bed and go over to my computer and figure it out.
Though I did my best to ask every member of the Springfield Community how they were going to vote, some refused to answer and no doubt I missed a few too. If you have any suggestions or you think anyone would vote differently, or if you can think of more fun quotes from residents of Springfield about this election, please post below!
Note: I even asked residents not of voting age, or who lost the right to vote due to previous felony convictions, and included their answers below, but not in the final poll tally.
Hillary Clinton 44%
Donald J. Trump 35%
Gary Johnson 6%
Homer J. Simpson
Though he wanted to vote for Trump, Marge said she’d never sleep with him again if he did, so that’s how he became a Democrat. Of course, it’s a pretty good bet he’ll punch the wrong button at the polling station as is his custom, so if he goes in wanting Hillary, we’ll count his vote for TRUMP!
“Deez-nuts” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results.
“Well, at first I wanted Bernie Sanders. He was so dreamy! Then, when he lost I thought I’d vote for the first female President, Dr. Jill Stein! She would ride in on a magical pony and free all the animals from circuses and make everyone vegan. Then I realized I’m supporting Hillary Clinton.” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results.
“Grandpa” Abe Simpson
“I’m voting for Cal Coolidge! I like him because he’s quiet.”
HILLARY “Of course I’m voting for the woman!”
TRUMP “Well, he wasn’t my first choice, but at least the orange-haired young man isn’t a communist!”
TRUMP Gays for Trump!
TRUMP “I know how this works, see. I get in for Trump now and he lets me name a drink after him and charge twice as much. That’s why I like him, an honest politician.”
Passed out, no answer
HILLARY But I need to be discreet about it, being a card-carrying member of the media elite. That and I don’t want Trump’s goons to beat me up.
HILLARY I’ve been with Hillary from da start! Bill and I used to hang out…”
Lenny Leonard and Carl Carlson
Will cancel one another’s votes, Lenny is leaning Trump and Carl is leaning Hillary
Krusty The Clown
Member of the Springfield Republican Central Committee, JOHNSON, “Oy, this is the choice I have? I’d never vote for her, and what’s he doing with the anti-Semitic retweets and hey, I’m supposed to be the clown here.”
Member of the Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP “Well I liked Dr. Ben Carson, but I suppose Trump will do.”
Undecided “Oh lord, how did we wind up with such diddly awful candidates? I think I’ll just write in Ronald Reagan.”
Kang and Kodos
“TRUMP! We want Trump to be subjugator of the masses!” Note: not of voting age and won’t be counted in poll results,
Comic Book Guy
JOHNSTON “Well I liked Bernie of course, but now I like Gary Johnson. Polar opposite? Methinks not.”
HILLARY “Oh my goodness, even though I am Hindu not Muslim I do not think that Mr. Trump knows the difference. He is a very bad man.”
HILLARY “mother says it’s Hillary. And anyway I think Trump wants to get rid of the Department of Education.
TRUMP “I like a man who stands for law and order.”
Jasper “Bill Clinton”
HILLARY “Har, Hillary I guess, she looks mighty good to me after three months at sea…”
JOHNSON “I was feeling the Bern, but I’m a one-issue man, and I like the guy who wants to legalize weed and give it out to everyone! Oh wait, he doesn’t want the government to give it out? Maybe I’ll go Hillary then!”
HILLARY “Si yo soy ciudano Americano. HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY. Por favor dios HILLARY!”
“Oh, election time?” (cannot vote due to priory felony conviction)
Old Gil Gunderson
TRUMP “I just signed up for his Trump University, I know this is my ticket! This is the right program for me to finally launch my success! Finally Ol’ Gil is gonna make it!”
Sideshow Bob (Robert Terwilliger)
TRUMP “I appreciate the complex intricacies of his simple mind” (not counted, convicted felon)
Fat Tony’s cousin who looks just like him
TRUMP “My other cousin did business with him in Atlantic City.”
Member of Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP “Of course I vote for Trump! He veel be strong leader and make us great again!”
HILLARY “It’s about time they let Hillary tell Bill what to do”
(From Springfield Republican Party Headquarters) TRUMP “He vas my choice all along!” (not counted, vampires can’t vote)
Unknown “Ain’t nobody gonna get outta me who Willie’s voting fer!”
TRUMP “Gosh he’s gonna make ‘Merica great agin! And he’s one of them millionairres I seen on TV”
Brandine (Cletus’s wife)
TRUMP “I seen him on TV!”
Undecided “I think a giant meteor. Whoever I vote for loses anyway.”
Gave a whistle when asked
HILLARY “She’s a woman of bzonga SCIENCE and of course with the climate change and the stem cell research, HILLARY!”
Squeaky Voice Teen
HILLARY “Well it’s my first election, so of course I liked Bernie but now I guess I like Hillary?”
Judge Constance Harm
Lou and Eddie
Will cancel one another’s votes, Lou is leaning Trump and Eddie is leaning Hillary
Undecided “Oh lord, please give us other choices.”
HILLARY “I just can’t vote for that potty-mouthed Trump.”
Kirk and Luann Van Houten.
Blue Haired Lawyer
Member of Springfield Republican Central Committee, TRUMP
TRUMP “I liked them Bush boys better, but Trump’s a hellavalot better than Hillary!”
HILLARY “I was with Bernie all the way man, but I guess I’m with her now.”
HILLARY. Trump no lika the immigrants! Luigi izza immigrant too! He no wanta pizza on every corner?
TRUMP “TRUMP will make America Great, oh yeah!!!”
Doris Freedman (lunchlady)
HILLARY “I like her school lunch program.”
Frankie The Squealer
TRUMP “The bosses cousin did bidness wid him. It was that casino project down in Atlantic City, the one that guy disappeared at, the one on the Boardwalk, ya know? but you didn’t hear it from me.”